Dr Calvin and the Cancer Restaurant

Our intrepid reporter is on location to interview the one she has been told is the Great Physician. A beautiful restaurant is full of people from all walks of life, enjoying a meal and drinks in a grand hall. The restaurant is owned by Dr. Calvin, and he is telling his story to the reporter who has joined the event to record the goings on- to get to know the one she has heard about.

“I am the Great Physician you have heard and read about,” he says.

“Who are all of these men and women, Dr Calvin?” she asks.

The Doctor looks over the grand hall and says, “This room is full of smokers- 100 smokers to be exact- each with lung cancer because of their smoking.”

“My goodness!” the reporter exclaims. She looks through the mist of cigarette smoke at the men and women filling the tables all across the ornate room. “Are these your patients? Are you treating them for their cancer?”

“No,” says the Doctor. “They are too addicted to their smoking. They know that coming to me would mean I would make them stop smoking, so none of them would ever come to me. In fact, they cannot come to me, so great is the slavery of their addiction.”

“If they are not your patients, then why are they all here?”

“I invited them to my restaurant for lunch because I have a surprise for them,” Dr Calvin tells her. “I have created a substance I call “Grace,” which is the cure that not only heals them of their cancer,” he explains, “but begins to remove from them the desire to smoke, breaking their addiction. I can change their lives! Cured and made new! It won’t cost them anything, and they can’t do anything to help make it work. It’s 100% effective all by itself.”

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“Oh my goodness!” the reporter exclaims. “They will be cured of their cancer?”

“Entirely.”

“And they will no longer want to smoke?”

“Well,” he replies, “I’m not saying none of them will EVER light up again, but those who are cured will grow to see more and more the disgusting habit for what it is, and come to hate the thing that causes their former disease. Someday the cigarette they light will be their very last, whereas if I merely left them as they are, they would smoke to their final breath.”

“How do they get this cure from you?” the reporter asked. “Will there be an auction? Is that why they are gathered here?”

“No, of course not!” the Doctor laughed. “I do not have a limited supply that it needs to be fought over. I can make enough Grace for as many as I wish.”

“And you’re simply giving it away?” asks the reporter, dumbfounded.

“In fact, I already have,” the Doctor says with a smile.

“My goodness!” the reporter says with delight. “You are truly generous and merciful!”

“As they lunch,” the Doctor explains, “I have walked among them, filling their drinks. I’ve slipped this cure into the drinks of ten of those people, who I chose for reasons of my own. It will cost them nothing and it does for them what nothing else could. At each table, someone I have chosen will find that, by the time dessert has been served, they are healthy and new, and they may find that they are the only person at their table not reaching for an after lunch cigarette.”

“Wait,” the reporter begins hesitantly, “did you say ten of them?”

“Yes, ten of these sick and dying smokers have been given the gift of Grace and will find they have already been cured before they are done with their entrées!”

“Like, you’re only giving it to ten of them NOW?” The reporter is confused as she attempts to grasp the plan at work. “But you’re giving it to the rest of them later? Like, in the after dessert coffee? Or as a gift basket for them to choose to take when they get home?”

“No, it’s not something they can choose. It’s something I have to give them. They can’t give it to themselves.”

“But they can come to you later and ask for it,” the reporter says. “Because when they see how this Grace has affected the others, they will want it too, right?”

“No,” he says. “They are too addicted to their smoking. They cannot and will not come to me for Grace, even after they see it’s effects and are told the testimonies of those I have helped.”

“But the other ninety people- you are giving it to them too, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m only giving it to ten of them,” explains the doctor. “Just the ten I chose.”

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“Why aren’t you putting it in all of their drinks?” she asks. “You could cure all of them by dessert.”

“I’ve only made enough for ten of them,” the doctor answers.

“But if you invited one hundred of them, why would you only make enough for ten of them?”

“Because,” the Doctor replies, becoming frustrated with this reporter’s apparent unwillingness to understand, “I have only chosen ten people to give it to. Why would I make more Grace if it was going to sit around unused? That would be wasteful. I don’t do things that way.”

“No,” she stutters, “what I mean is… Why not cure all of them? Why didn’t you make enough for one hundred of them and give it to all one hundred of them?”

“What do I owe any of them?” Doctor Calvin replies. “It’s because of their decision to smoke that they have cancer. Each of them is suffering the wages of their own decisions. I don’t owe a single one of them a cure, but ten of them are receiving it none the less. My actions prove I am generous and merciful.”

“But, you COULD cure them all?”

“Yes, of course I could,” he explains, “but letting some of them die shows how horrible smoking is, which helps people see how kind I am to cure some of them who I’ve chosen to help.”

“How can you let most of them die when you have the ability to save them?” the reporter despairs. “Are they just nameless strangers to you? Don’t you know they have families?”

“Of course I know that,” the Doctor tells her. “I’ve known their families for generations. I love all of these people and I know them by name. I can tell you the name of the great great great grandmother they had in common. They all come from families of smokers, which is why they are smokers.”

“But why are these people all smokers if you’ve known their families? Haven’t you told them not to smoke?”

“Of course I told them not to smoke!” Dr Calvin laughs. “They are smokers because, despite my warnings, their greatest of grandparents chose to smoke. Then I got their mothers hooked on cigarettes before they were born so they would all be born addicted to cigarettes.”

“These people were all…” The reporter paused and looked around the crowded room. “They were BORN addicted to cigarettes?”

“That’s right. They were born smokers, born into smoking families.”

“But, they were born smokers because…?”

“Because I determined that they would be smokers. It was my plan from the beginning.”

“You… gave these people cancer?” the reporter shouts in a whisper.

“Don’t be absurd,” replies Dr Calvin indignantly. “I never gave anyone cancer. The cigarettes they chose to smoke gave them cancer.”

“But you chose to make sure they were born addicted to smoking!”

“But I also warned them that smoking would cause cancer and kill them,” the Doctor reminds her. “And now, I have generously given ten of them a completely effective and completely free cure so they can live.”

“You said you love all of these people!”

“Yes, in a sense.”

“But what of the ninety people who are still going to die? Don’t you love them?”

“Yes, in a sense. But, then in another,” he explains, “I hate those people. I’ll be glad to see them die.”

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“How can you say that!” the reporter shouts, this time not in a whisper.

“Who are you to question me? Are you a great doctor? Are YOU the Great Physician? Have you made a cure for cancer? CAN you do such a great thing?”

“No,” she admits quietly. “But I still don’t see how you can hate people enough to let them die when you can help them.”

“I don’t expect you to understand my complex nature. In a general sense, I love all of these people, but some of them… well, they’re SMOKERS. It’s a disgusting, filthy habit that causes cancer! And I have told them over and over not to smoke and they continue to ignore me and do it anyway. They are only getting what they deserve.”

“I don’t understand how you, a doctor…”

“Look, it’s very simple,” he explains. “These people are, all of them, slaves to their desire to smoke, addicted from birth. Because of that, they are incapable of coming to me to give them help, because they will always choose cigarettes over health- over coming to me. Therefore, the only way to help them is to choose some of them to cure, and give them the gift of Grace without their help or consent. I chose some of them for my own reasons, not because they earned it in any way, and they will be cured and shortly afterwards will understand what I’ve done for them.

“I made a limited supply of Grace,” he continues, “and I have given it to those I have chosen. I won’t waste it by making it for people who I’m not giving it to, so I have made just enough to help those people I have chosen to help. And once they have been helped, they will be cancer free and lose the desire to smoke until they become totally smoke free. Am I not generous and merciful?”

“I’m not sure what I think,” she says, looking around the room. “To those being cured, you are generous and merciful, but when the number you hate is so much higher than the number of those you help, I’m not entirely sure I believe that you’re a doctor.”

The article she went on to write was greeted by a lot of overly confident men in beards telling her that she doesn’t understand Dr Calvin, and that she is merely misrepresenting him. Some accused her of worshipping at the alter of free health care. A growing number of people, however, think that the man she was introduced to was not the real Doctor at all.

I encourage my readers to see the four biographies which were written by the Great Physician’s friends and see if the man you find in those books is the same man she spoke to, or if perhaps she was introduced to an imposter.

Share with me what you discover.

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Read “Preachers, Perverts & Pandas” FOR FREE!!!

Preachers, Perverts & Pandas, aka A Gay Debate! Transgenderism! Other Stuff! PG-13! is available online for free for your entertainment and education. And it’s PG-13, so don’t try and use this one to teach the little kids’ Sunday School classes.

In what is sure to be the reason I get kicked off of social media, I explain the debate over gay marriage, and why letting Pandas eat giraffes isn’t the loving thing to do.

I explain how the American church has swung the reaction pendulum to both extremes of the LGBTQ debate. Both of which are wrong.

I explain how the Transgender movement has failed so badly that I am Transgender (according to Google anyway). I’m old enough to remember when words had meanings. But I digress.

And we take a lengthy dive into the many ways a “LGBTQ affirming” church tries to use the Bible to teach things the Bible clearly does not teach. It’s a great lesson on how to start a cult.

But the whole point is, whatever our sins, Jesus loves us. That’s the good news the Bible has for all of us, even when we’ve taken a few bites out of the giraffes.

“Preachers, Perverts & Pandas” FOR FREE here.

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NEW BOOK! Evolution 101

Come with us into a world of Evo-Believers whose faith far outweighs their facts, and a team of PhD’s who have dedicated themselves to Darwinism when in fact they can’t even clearly tell you what it is. Welcome to Evolution 101 (Or, how to make every living thing, from Wolves to Cabbages,

using just the tools and bacteria you’ll find around the house).

A Critical Review and some snarky comments by Rent A Friend 2000

Original material including text and images comes from from http://evolution.berkeley.edu/
The site I am reviewing is called Evolution 101, and will be presented by me with no editing (though plenty of editorials) and in those few places where parts were cut out for brevity, I make note of it being done. The original site is a collaborative project between Berkley, the University of California Museum of Paleontology and the National Center for Science Education. That it took this many PhD’s to make this web site will become either unbelievable or incredibly sad later on. Their words will appear in normal font. My words in BOLD, with BOLDNESS nearly approaching ZESTY BUFFALO RANCH BOLD! Nearly.

Read it online or download it for FREE here: https://abitoforange.com/free-books/

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The Gospel According to Frozen

Everyone LOVES Frozen. It’s a beautiful movie with likable characters and VERY catchy songs that your kids will sing over and over and over and over until you catch yourself thinking about drinking rum strait from the bottle like you were Jack Sparrow. Don’t do it. When you regain consciousness they will STILL be singing “Let it Go” but it will seem a LOT louder.

When I first saw Frozen, I liked it a lot, as most of us did, but I was bothered by the departure from the traditional princess narrative, not because I have some attachment to a damsel in distress being saved by a man, but because I always felt the stories were a strong presentation of the Gospel. A princess (the bride/church) is under the curse of evil- often because of a foolish choice of her own which she was warned about (sin/forbidden fruit). She is dead to the world, unable to help herself, and it seems that evil has won. But then, the son of the king arrives, does battle against the powers of evil, and raises his beloved from the sleep of death and takes her to be his bride in his kingdom.

That’s the Bible in a nutshell. The old stories were great because they were creative retellings of the only story that is worth telling over and over and over- the story of Jesus.

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Calvinism SMACK DOWN! (James White Vs James White)

I know I keep saying this, but I have no interest in making this one of those blogs that talks about Calvinism Vs Arminianism all of the time. First, because it’s a false dichotomy and I am neither. Secondly, because it’s just not my thing. I have LOTS of other opinions that make people uncontrollably leave comments telling me that I am an idiot.

But, well, sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do, and this is one of those times because I enjoy laughing at other people. Haven’t you ever watched Fail Army? Don’t judge me.

The only thing funnier than your own jokes is someone else’s pain.

So THIS VIDEO is an archive of a podcast from Leighton Flowers from Soteriology 101. This podcast is a master class in trolling from a man who is much too polite for his own good. Leighton is not a troll, but he shows here that he could take a professional swing at it.

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Read “Thursday Night Nachos (The Defining Evolution Series)” FOR FREE!!!

Rent-A-Friend 2000 recounts the conversations he has with his friends at the local bar and grill, talking about Evolution.

What is it? Is it science? How does it work?

As they wait for their weekly pile of Nachos to arrive, the friends discuss the science and evidence in this sometimes complex issue and divide truth from fiction. If you want to see exactly what evolution is, and how Darwin fails the test of science, then this is the book for you! Enjoy!

Read Thursday Night Nachos online, or download for free!

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Feedback Friday: Clubby Farts in the Car

I wrote the article Fart In a Car (An Honest Critique of Atheist Communication Skills) about the perplexingly many atheists which have forced me to ignore their questions so I can teach them how to make an argument or simply not be a total jerk. These people show up here, at my blog, and leave short comments about my perceived character flaws and are gone like a fart in a car (and every bit as enjoyable). You’ve seen them in a lot of my Feedback Fridays. They leave a sentence fragment about how stupid or bigoted or stupid I am, but never with enough content to tell me WHAT they think I’m wrong/lying about (they LOVE to call me a liar) or why my position is wrong. They don’t make a case or try to teach me anything, and they certainly won’t involve evidence or facts that can be used to support their position because, well, YOU have a character flaw. That’s sort of like an argument, right?

So Clubby is a crazy cat lady who fits this mold to a tee, and I have asked her (like I ask all of the others) WHY do you come here and leave these comments? Here’s what I said to her after a collection of her latest, pointless hit and run style fart in my car comments:

I’m not trying to be insulting, Clubby. I’m doing you the favor of being optimistic enough to think it possible that you can justify why you come here to leave dumb comments. For example, I don’t think you’re stupid enough to think you have made any points to address. You know better. I mean you said “always lovely to see a Christian lie so hilariously.”

Did you say WHAT I lied about? No.

Did you explain WHY something I said was inaccurate, let alone intentionally so? NO.

But you got the “hilarious” part right, so you squeaked by with a passing grade.

I want you to explain to me why you do it. WHY do you bother? Why come here and say something stupid that communicates NOTHING except your own hostility and ignorance? you make NO POINT. you offer NO ARGUMENT. You only, in this case, show up to BE THE THING I’m writing about. YOU are the fart in the car, Clubby.

Do you not have any hobbies? Can’t you find a bowling alley? Do you not own golf clubs? Does your laptop not come with solitaire?

Just explain to me why you think it’s worth it to show up here and leave a comment which can do nothing but make you look like an idiot. I really want to know why you do it, because I cannot begin to guess as to why you and other people come here to fart in my car. I await your thoughtful explanation with eager anticipation.

A Bit of Orange (edited for brevity)

Being apparently incapable of understanding the question I wanted her to answer (i.e. Why fart in my car instead of doing something else) she apparently thought I wanted her to critique the article she was commenting under, and so she left BY FAR the longest comment she has ever left me, which sadly/humorously was only because she failed to understand the question. But instead of letting it go to waste, I thought I could use her to demonstrate the fart in the car.

Stand back, Mittens! A Christian on the Internet is about to be called a LIAR! MANY TIMES!!!

CLUBBY STRIKES BACK!

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Robot Cat Waitress is Coming for Your Job

You think I am kidding. But I have actually seen one of these with my own eyes while eating sushi. Robot cats are becoming waitresses, and you don’t even need to tip them.

Our good friends on the increasingly Socialist Democratic Left have been talking about EVERYONE earning a “living wage,” by which they mean you should be able to make enough money to have the streaming service of your choice in your own apartment while making monthly payments on your electric car, all the while working a job that requires no more education or intelligence than could be expected from the average cocker-spaniel. The number that keeps being thrown around as a “basic human right” is $15 per hour. And if you’re a mop pushing high school drop out with no ambition outside of video games and smoking weed, this sounds GREAT. But then, the robot cats roll in.

Let’s do the math together:

$15/hr, working an 8 hour shift is $120 per day. Now, these robots can cost $9,000, so if you’re like me you’re thinking, NO WAY is someone who runs a little mom and pop restaurant going to buy one of these. But then you do the math.

$9,000/$120 per day = 75 days.

Assuming the wait staff take off two days per week, this means you are getting 12 hour shifts for seven days a week for the same cost as 8 hour shifts for five days a week, which pays for itself in less than three months. In fact, if you consider the full 12 hours, it pays for itself in just under two months.

In short- More Work for Less Money.

Robot Cats are coming for YOUR JOBS!!!!

Robot Cats are CHEAP. No medical or dental. No smoke breaks, lunch breaks, vacation or sick days. No bad attitude. No showing up late or stealing from the till. These robots are not better than a good wait staff in every way, but when it comes to the bottom line, these guys cannot be beat.

Look, I don’t have a lot of answers, because I can’t see the future. But one thing I do know- the more our millionaire (and yet perplexingly socialist) politicians keep increasing the minimum wage, the more small businesses (by which I mean almost all of them) will be forced to find affordable replacements for the waitresses, fry cooks, floor moppers and lawn mowers of today.

Demanding that businesses spend more money is not a long term solution. Having low wage, entry level jobs for some, and opportunities to learn and grow for all is going to present more good outcomes than politicians making the absurd assumption that all businesses can simply pay their employees more. Keep in mind that these are the same politicians who get to decide their own paychecks, their own debt ceiling, and whose answer to a lot of economic problems has been “Let’s just print more money!”

These socialist politicians have never worked real jobs and don’t understand how money actually works in the real world. Just as one example- even if you have a top of the line Hewlett Packard laser jet printer, you aren’t ALLOWED to print your own money. And you certainly can’t spent it at Target, even if you have coupons.

We can’t count on the socialist politicians to make business work for the little guy. Every time they try to “help” the little guy, the little guy ends up unemployed or closing his third generation family store. We need to make sure the little guys can all stand on their own two feet. That’s what makes America great.

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White People are THE BEST! (and other Woke Values)

Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, learning what other people think is not only easy, it’s nearly impossible to avoid! There was a time when people wrote their secret feelings and thoughts in a secret document called a “diary” which was sometimes locked and often hidden. If you read someone’s diary, they were angry at you for invading their privacy.

Thanks to the internet, people are now able to not only write their diary through electronic means, but they can also post it publicly for the whole world to see, and they will get angry at you for NOT reading it. But what enrages these people more than anything is when you don’t AGREE with all of their feelings. And it’s not enough to merely read what they think and feel, but you BETTER SAY that you agree. They have a phrase for you if you fail; “Silence is VIOLENCE.” And it must be true, because it rhymes.

That’s right. If you don’t say you agree with all of their feelings them you might as well just punch them in the face! And as appealing as that is, I am still legally obligated to suggest you not do so.

But all of that to say, that thanks to the internet, Woke, politically correct friends can now teach us everything we are supposed to think and feel unless we want to get accused of being hateful and violent. I’ve been paying attention to the political correctness of our friends on the Democratic Left for a long time now, and one of the things I am amazed that seems to keep escaping other people’s notice is how very WHITE Woke values truly are. The Woke left LOVES WHITE PEOPLE!

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Read “Answering Atheism” FOR FREE!!!

Atheism seems so complex that even the Atheists on the internet seem to have no idea what it is.

Despite their seeming limitless ignorance, those same internet Atheists have a LOT to say about… well, absolutely everything. How is one to understand them and respond?

This book makes all of it simple and clear, including WHAT Atheism is, the difference between knowing and believing, the Religion of Atheism (Including the 15 Core Tenets of Orthodox Atheism), Debunking the faith of atheism, and then applying the logic of atheism, which includes guest essays from our Internet Atheist friend PonyH8R.

Learn to answer Atheism with wit and common sense, and remember, Jesus Loves them too!

Read Answering Atheism online, or download for free!

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