Tag Archives: Calvinism

I See a Black Door and I Want It Painted Red

Calvinists like to use the raising of Lazarus as a metaphor for what salvation is like. Our boy Lazarus is dead, and lying in his grave for a handful of days. He clearly is not going anywhere on his own. … Continue reading

Posted in Calvinism | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Fixing the Prodigal Son for Calvin

I have taken it upon myself to fix this parable, and I now present it to you in the way Jesus WOULD have originally told it, so that it teaches the truth of Calvinism. Continue reading

Posted in Calvinism | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

John Calvin Clause is Coming to TOOOOOWN!

Only the kids on the Nice list get presents. The kids on the Naughty List get stuffed into a burlap sack and beaten with reeds. Santa’s not messing around. Those naughty kids are getting what they deserve. Continue reading

Posted in Calvinism | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

I Don’t Understand Calvinism (Yes I do)

Calvinist Vs Calvinist! Each presenting the position they were determined to hold and praying that God determines the other to change his mind because we don’t have the free will to be persuaded and choose to believe! Continue reading

Posted in Calvinism | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

A “Consistent” Calvinist Clears Things Up

I watched NINE HOURS of John Piper so I could explain TULIP to you. Now I’m going to tackle one of the strangest parts of Calvinism that I only discovered recently: Devine Determinism. Continue reading

Posted in Calvinism | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Tip Toeing Through the TULIP (or, I watched nine hours of John Piper so you don’t have to)

I decided I needed to find an Arminian to tell me, in his own filthy heretical words, why he rejects the Bible. Assuming he did. Which, of course he did. Heretics. Continue reading

Posted in Calvinism | Tagged , , , , | 12 Comments