If the Flood was Local, Noah was an Idiot

Posted on July 18, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

If the flood was local, instead of global like the Bible says, Noah was an idiot.

When God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham’s nephew, Lot, was living there with his family. God didn’t have Lot build a shelter to hide in. He didn’t have Lot collect two of every kind of animal in the area to preserve them. God just told Lot to gather his family and run away. So, Lot and family run away, and God nukes Sodom and Gomorrah from space.

In short, God sends angels to Lot and they say, “God’s going to torch this place. You better get out of here.” And Lot gets out of there.

So if the flood was a local event, like the destruction of Sodom, and one for which Noah had lots of advanced warning and many years to prepare, what sense does it make to tell him to build an ark and fill it with animals when he and the animals could simply move to Higher Ground and avoid the flood entirely? A flood would be easier to outrun than a rain of fire from the heavens. God should have told Noah, “I’m going to flood this place out. You better get out of here.” And Noah would have grabbed his wife and kids and gotten out of there.

Instead, we’re supposed to believe that God shows up and says, “Hey, I’m flooding your whole neighborhood, from 7th avenue to 31st. All of that is going to be under water, over the highest mountain. Well, the highest mountain in your neighborhood.”

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Posted in Jesus and the Bible | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Evolving to the Level of Dog Tacos

Posted on July 15, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

Replying to THIS ARTICLE my new friend Amanda had this to say: 

It definitely requires some sort of serious religious or spiritual fanaticism to reject even the possibility of evolution.

And yes, this was the entirety of her comment. It does boggle the mind. I replied:

Greetings Amanda!
Actually, rejecting evolution only requires a clear understanding of what Darwin proposed and an understanding of the mechanisms which are put forth as mechanisms of evolution. (For a complete look at this, get my free e-book, Thursday Night Nachos HERE!) In short, if you can understand that you cannot add by subtracting, then you understand enough to reject Darwinism. It requires no religious beliefs at all- merely an understanding of Darwinism and basic logic.

But you probably gained your understanding of evolution from the title of your 5th grade science textbook. Don’t feel too bad. People all the time be making absurd comments like yours about subjects they don’t understand in the comments section of LOTS of places on the internet. May I suggest that you spend more time asking questions instead of vomiting up a bumpersticker’s worth of anti-Christian hatespeach and bigotry next time? I think you will find that you learn more that way.
Thanks for stopping by!

She returned to offer a reasoned defense of her position.

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The Dangers of Absinthe- The Green Fairy

Posted on July 13, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

While this is a little off of my usual topics, and I know this is bound to be controversial, I am making a case for a needed social change. Over the past several decades, the drinking of Absinthe in the United States has gone from something considered dirty and even immoral, to becoming hip and trendy, with many people who self identify as non-drinkers and even the children of teetotaler families feeling pressured to try it in college. 

I am going to make the case that this particular choice, while perhaps not solved with legislation, does need to be exposed as the danger it is so that socially we can encourage people away from self destruction and toward better, healthy choices. Absinthe has great marketing, and opponents of it are painted broad brush as Puritanical, or simply as uncool. Its time for a careful consideration of the facts and an honest discussion.

Stranger & Stranger Christmas Absinthe No12 by Stranger & Stranger is licensed under CC-BY-NC-ND 4.0

Absinthe is an alcoholic drink comprised of Wormwood which is identifiable for its green coloration. Because of its color it came to be known as The Green Fairy, and was popularized in the mid 1800s in Europe. However, because of the association it came to have with not only health concerns but also the behaviors associated with its consumption,  Absinthe was eventually banned by multiple countries for the good of its people.

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Posted in SocioPolitico | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

It’s Time to Admit You’re Not Really a Christian

Posted on July 11, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

I went to a disappointing Easter service this year. I’ve been to a few. This one was in a little church where the teaching pastor is some kind of real estate agent with the worst speaking cadence I’ve ever heard. He sounds like he is CONSTANTLY trying to remember what he was going to say next, and he pauses so much that I begin to fall asleep despite my barely legal addiction to coffee. He’s the kind of pastor who spends the election cycle reminding us that Jesus was not a Republican, and so we shouldn’t be divisive and tell other Christians that they shouldn’t vote for the party of racism, baby murder, sexual perversion, communism and porn in grade schools. Because… uh, reasons. He strongly condemned the personal belief that you are RIGHT, calling it arrogant. I don’t know what he thought about claiming to be right if in fact what you believe is true. I guess he didn’t consider it a possibility.

But I thought, HEY, even THIS GUY can’t screw up Easter, right? I mean, it’s the single most important holiday in Christian history, because it celebrates the single most important fact of human history- Jesus rising from the dead after his crucifixion. Like, just hop up there, shout HE IS RISEN! And we celebrate. EASY. 

And yet, this guy managed to chip away another little piece of my faith in humanity. 

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Posted in Jesus and the Bible | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Fart In a Car (An Honest Critique of Atheist Communication Skills)

Posted on July 8, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

This was written to one, but it applies to MANY.

Dear Atheist Roach Clowns in the comment’s section…

I’m not trying to be mean here, but you seem to need an honest critique of your communication skills far more than you need a reply to any of your comments.

I’ve figured out why other bloggers get sick of conversing with you. You constantly toss in these little digs like you’re just trying to see HOW rude you can be before people get sick of you. It’s like you want to see how many times you can fart in my car before I stop and let you out.

And I’m stopping. Get out.

I hope you’re not going to whine about it as if I have something wrong with ME to not want to drive around in a cloud of stank. You can walk home. Go ahead, play the victim if you can stomach it. I intend to breathe air, and not this metaphysical toots.

I’m going to Target for a metaphysical air freshener.

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Posted in Feedback Fridays | Tagged , , , | 138 Comments

Sudden Realization at a KKK Picnic

Posted on July 6, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

KKK members Ed and Billy were slumped over their picnic table at a recent Klan Picnic, soiled paper plates and used napkins sprawled all over the table and ground beneath them. Ed was reading a copy of an upcoming speech he was to give and Billy was holding a copy of the speech in one hand and his most recent beer in the other, doing his best to follow along.

“Let’s respond to the Black Lives Matter movement,” Billy orated, reading with as much gusto as he could after three helpings of fried chicken and coleslaw. “The name alone is nothing more than propaganda. Black LIVES. Well, according to basic scientific definitions, sure black folks may be alive, as is crabgrass and mushrooms, but when all is said and done, a black folk is nothin more than a clump of cells. It’s just a mass of tissue! What we contend is that, while one may want to argue that it is human, genetically speaking, we reject the notion that it is a person! Whatever the laws are or have been, the termination of a “Black Lives” is not murder because it is not the killing of an innocent human PERSON. It is merely the removal of a mass of cells and tissue from the city streets.”

Billy chuckled and cracked open a new beer to follow along.

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Waking Up with a Map of Chicago

Posted on July 4, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

We are all prodigals in Millennium Park. 

You wake in the park after a night of self destructive binging with a map. Your money is gone, your friends are gone, and you smell terrible. You ran away from home with half of your Father’s money and a GIGANTIC ego trip. Now, a few weeks later, you’re face down in goose poop, and you’re cold and hungry. But you wake up with a map.

Photo by Mohammad Khan on Pexels.com

On the map is a hand written note that says “I’m here. When you wake up, come to me and I’ll drive you home- love dad.” An arrow points to an X a few miles away, and the address is written out in bold letters. You can hardly believe your eyes. Your Father has given you a map to where he is! And he is waiting to take you home! You were sure he was going to send a pack of wolves to eat you, because you kind of deserve that. But He is waiting to take you home! All you need to do it go to him. 

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Posted in Sunday School for Sinners and Saints, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Pro-Choice or Pro-Murder?

Posted on July 1, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

If you’ve paid any attention to the debate over abortion, you have no doubt heard a lot of catch phrases bantered about by both sides as if they are in a bumper-sticker Battle Royale. Unfortunately these marketing slap fights do little to change people’s minds, and I think this is because they do little to clarify either position to the other side. Thus, in order to serve the greater good, I am going to help translate the pro-choice bumper stickers for my pro-life readers, which will (hopefully) in turn clarify the pro-life position to my pro-choice readers.

Please fasten your seat-belts and mind diapers, and please do your best to follow the argument as it progresses and not start cursing me out because you think you know where I might be going with this. No flash photography, and please hold all of your questions until the end.

The camp who wishes Abortion to be legal and available to women call themselves Pro-Choice.

Let’s begin by examining the term “Pro-Choice.”

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Posted in SocioPolitico | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments

Monkey Pox is SO GAY…

Posted on June 29, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

Remember when the governments of the world shut down almost every business they didn’t directly draw income from in order to stop the spread of a rather aggressive cold and flu virus from China? Well, the next big name in pandemic is on it’s way! Think they’ll be shutting down businesses and demanding quarantining? I’m guessing no. And here’s why I think they won’t: AIDS.

You see, for literally my entire life, AIDS has been killing predominantly homosexual men. But despite the lethal nature of this disease, and the way in which it is spread through sexual contact, the same politicians who made everyone stay home for 2020 so they could mail in their 80 million votes for Joe Biden, have done absolutely nothing to stop gay men from meeting with and having sex with other gay men. California has even gone so far as to protect gay men with AIDS from having to disclose the fact that they have AIDS to the other men they are having sex with.

Let me put this in perspective for you, in case you haven’t heard me do it before: If you had gone to the public library or an airport during 2020 KNOWING you had the virus which must not be named (made in China) you could have gone to jail and every Leftist Karen on Twitter would have called for your immediate public execution. But if you had been a gay man who KNEW HE HAD AIDS, the law of California said, “Nah, you don’t have to let anyone know. That’s YOUR business.”

“But if you can’t prove you’ve been vaccinated you BETTER NOT TRY AND ATTEND A CONCERT OR USE THE GYM!!!!”

I have said before that the Democratic Left doesn’t care about the lives of homosexuals, and merely uses them as a weapon with which to attack the Christians, Republicans and other right wing people who don’t watch CNN. They even go so far as to hide information which can be used to help those homosexuals to avoid various forms of abuse and death because it doesn’t help their narrative. Here’s just another recent example:

As you can see, they say this about the Money Pox epidemic: “many of the people affected globally so far are men who identify as gay or bisexual.”

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Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Dear Leftists: YOU Are the Bad Guys

Posted on June 27, 2022 by A Bit Of Orange

Remember when Joe Biden called Pro-Life Americans the most EXTREME political group in US history? Things have changed a bit since then. A miracle occurred today on par with the legalization of conceal carry in Illinois, and that is that the Supreme Court finally realized that the Constitution doesn’t allow anyone to murder babies. Roe Vs Wade has been overturned and the mere threat of this action has set leftists into a violent rage for several weeks already.

Women Celebrate the end of Federally controlled infanticide.

Protests from the pro-abortion crowd are becoming increasingly violent. Property has been damaged. Several Supreme Court Justices have been threatened at their own homes. So, let me sum up what has happened to cause this wave of hate and violence:

The federal government has been told that murdering babies is not in their jurisdiction. The States are once again in control of if their laws allow babies to be murdered. So it’s not technically illegal to murder babies. The Federal government just isn’t allowed to make that decision for the states anymore.

In response, Leftists who want the legal right to murder babies have turned to violence and destruction of private property. Pro-life organizations have been targeted by violence and destruction.

I don’t know what else you need to know, my Leftist friends. Abortion is the intentional murder of an innocent baby. Planned Parenthood was set up to kill off all Black Americans before they could take their first breath. That the Federal Government is no longer forcing this evil on the states is somehow so unacceptable to you that you have turned to hysterical anger, hate and violence.

You are the bad guys.

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