Whether it’s someone trying to convince me that Hitler claimed to be a Christian, or the media’s insistence that no terrorist on earth is an ACTUAL Muslim, men can be women if they FEEL like one, or “fake black NAACP chick, Rachel Dolezal,” being, in fact, a run of the mill white girl, there seems to be rather a lot of confusion about the difference between someone professing to be part of a group and their actually being part of that group.

I could write a lengthy explanation about why one can be other than they profess, or pontificate about what makes a profession true or false. Instead, I have decided to declare myself a Vegetarian! And I have written a little poem about it**.

If you put it to music and attempt to sell it on i-tunes, at least let me know about it when you do.

I’m a Vegetarian- by Rent-A-Friend 2000

I’m a vegetarian who likes a little steak
Occasionally bacon and a ham that’s honey baked
I’m proud to be a vegan- And I’ll shout it on the street!
But now and then I like a juicy cheeseburger to eat.
I’ve got a bumper sticker on my trunk and on my hood
Declaring “meat is murder”
(But that murder tastes so good!)
I’d never kill a cow or pig. To do so would be vile!
(But once they’re dead the taste of them does always make me smile.)
To eat meat at a restaurant is wicked and barbarian.
You’ll never see me doing that,
For I’m a vegetarian

Thank you.

**My apologies to G.K. Chesterton.