Today we are going to take a good close look into your brain. Of course, I don’t mean you’ll be taking your brain out of your head. I am going on the assumption that you have an extra brain or two laying around, maybe out in the garage. If not, just hit one of the local garage sales. Someone is bound to have a brain they aren’t using. Taking a look around our world today, I’d say there are a LOT of people who have brains they aren’t using. On the internet, these people are called Roach Clowns.

When Roach Clowns find out you’re a Christian, they like to demand proof for the existence of God which is “100% certain, like mathematical proofs are 100% certain”. This is the kind of thing which makes them feel very clever. However, these same Roach Clowns will admit that, if you were to prove to their satisfaction that God existed and the Bible was true, they would not worship God or become Christians. This always makes me wonder why they don’t just get another hobby to occupy their time while they wait to die. Is harassing Christians on line with their limited vocabulary REALLY enjoyable enough that they choose to spend what little time they have before oblivion calling me names on Twitter? If I were them, I’d try surfing, or arson. But I digress.

The point I wish to make is that the demand for “mathematical proofs and 100% certainty” is itself horribly wrong and based on some misunderstandings.

How about that, huh? They’re all, “I DEMAND 100% Certainty!” and yet their demand comes from them already being wrong about a bunch of things they wouldn’t believe in if they actually DID demand 100% certainty. Is that irony? Somebody get Alanis Morissette on the phone.

The reason I am making fun of their collective thoraxes is not because I feel it is wrong to ask for proof of God’s existence. It’s because these Roach Clowns don’t actually want to be given proof of God’s existence. They are intending to play philosophical tennis, returning anything you serve up, by setting the bar SO HIGH that they can reject anything you give them. The conversation goes like this:

Roach Clown: You believe in this imaginary God on blind faith!

You: On the contrary, my faith is not blind. It’s reasonable.

Roach Clown: There’s NO evidence for the existence of God! WINNING!

You: Actually, there are lots of evidences for the existence of God which make being a Christian VERY reasonable. For instance, The Cosmological Argument, the Moral Argument, the Argument from Design, the evidence for the Resurrection of Jesus…

Roach Clown: There is no evidence for the existence of God!

You: Did you not hear that list of proofs just now? I just listed half a dozen. Are you going to just pretend those aren’t there?

Roach Clown: Uh… There is no evidence for the existence of God which is 100% CERTAIN!

You: I see you’ve chosen the “Pretending” option. How rare for an atheist…

Here’s a quick rebuttal to their dumb.  First, 100% certainty is a bar SO HIGH that most people would have to agree with Rene` Descartes* (Mr. “I Think Therefore I Am” 1637) that the only 100% certainty anyone can have is that they are thinking, and thus must exist. Yet SOME people have actually rejected that conclusion to say that, you cannot be 100% certain that you exist if you are thinking, you can only be sure that thinking exists.

No, really, these people are out there. What fun they must be at parties.

So while the Roach Clowns are demanding 100% certainty that God exists, other Roach Clowns have said that no one can be 100% certain that they themselves exist! Which means they want me to convince them more certainly that God exists than they can be certain of their own existence? This isn’t reasonable doubt. This is diving head first down the rabbit hole without a helmet.

Here’s my reply to any Roach Clown who demands proof with 100% certainty that God exists:

I’d be happy to give you such proof! But I’ll need some help from your obviously superior intellect to understand what “proof with 100% certainty” looks like. How about a very simple and applicable example. Give me proof with 100% certainty that I exist, and that you are not dreaming and merely imagining me. When you can do that, I will show you along similar lines that God exists with 100% certainty.

In all sincerity, I hope someone tries to reply to this. You can imagine the hilarity that will ensue from this philosophical discussion. It’ll be like an Abbott and Costello routine.

Next time I’ll poke some holes in the Roach Clowns’ faulty understanding of math. In the mean time, keep your brains clean, wherever you keep them, and Remember: #JesusLovesYou

(*See This Cogito Neato Article)