IHOP, the International House of Pancakes, announced not very long ago that they were going to start serving burgers. Not only that, but they were going to serve burgers SO GOOD that they decided to change their name to IHOB.
The Internet lost their collective minds.
It’s not exactly like the Twitter mob came home from a long 4 hour shift at Walmart to find their favorite cat strung up in the yard like a make shift piñata. It was more like they found their mother hanging their cat as a piñata a so Nazis could take turns hitting it with a crowbar.
The backlash was…worrisome.
But then Bruce Jenner decides that he is going to be a woman. And he is going to be a woman so fabulous that he was going to be called Caitlyn and pose on the cover of all kinds of magazines I would not read even if I was in the waiting room of my dentist for hours and I’d already read every issue of Field and Stream three times. Bruce got surgery and a new wardrobe, and the internet lost their collective minds.
But not the way you might guess.
The same Twitter mob who felt it akin to blasphemy for a pancake restaurant to suddenly start self identifying as a burger restaurant turned right around and declared Caitlyn Jenner the “Woman of the Year,” proving once again that men are better than women at literally everything, including being women. Also, that the Twitter mob is completely insane.
In an amazing addition to this story, Caitlyn was also named the winner of the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. For becoming Woman of the Year, I guess. You wouldn’t think being named Woman of the Year takes all that much courage, but maybe there’s a battle to the death against other candidates.
Memes began circulating, stating that the runner up was Noah Galloway, who lost parts of his left arm and leg in an explosion while on active duty in Iraq and yet still took third place in “Dancing With The Stars.”
Thankfully the fact-checkers on the Internet brought the truth to light. It seems that this story of a man being named the winner of the Arthur Ashe Courage Award for intentionally having his manhood surgically removed while another man who lost his arm and leg in active combat while serving his country is not a true story. Ha ha! Dumb conservatives will fall for fake news every time. Of COURSE that’s not true!
There is no runner up. Noah Galloway was just lumped in with a whole lot of people less courageous than Tv star and woman of the year Bruce Jenner. Duh.
So in case you ever wonder why I’m not on Twitter, just remember: IHOB and Caitlyn Jenner. Its a bizarro clown world which I am not brave enough to face.
And on an unrelated note, I want to know why no one seemed to notice that Bruce Jenner actually turned into Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. But somehow less fabuous.
Bada! Bada! Dude look like a LAYDAH!