Welcome, boys and girls! You’re just in time! Peebs, Buttah, and Jells have just finished watching their favorite TV show and are feeling a bit peckish. Let’s see what they do!

Peebs: I’m going to make Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches for all of us!

Buttah: Finally! I get to have a PB&J!

Jells: No, Bro. I keep telling you guys that Buttah CAN’T have Peanut Butter.

Peebs: But everyone loves the PB!

Buttah: I just wanted to be treated fairly.

Jells: Dude, you are allergic to Peanuts. PB will kill you.

Buttah: You’s just bein’ SELFISH.

Peebs: So hateful, dude.

Jells: I’m not being hateful! I’m trying to keep YOU from killing him!

Peebs: That’s just offensive.

Buttah: If you loved me, you would want me to be happy. Its totes unfair that you can enjoy PB and refuse to let me have it.

Jells: Dude, for me it’s nutritious. For you it’s toxic.

Peebs: So hateful.

Jells: How am I hateful for not wanting him to die? How do you figure you are the loving one when giving him what he wants will KILL HIM?

Peebs: All I’m hearing is bigotry.

Buttah: Totes Bigot.

Jells: OK. I’m out of here. Epi pen’s in the bathroom and the number to 9-1-1 is on that post-it by the phone. [exits]

We’ll be back right after these messages:

Fighting for homosexuality to be normalized, gay marriage, or trangenderism is like fighting for the rights of people allergic to peanuts to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It might FEEL like the loving and fair thing to do, but it’s really not.

For allergies, consult a doctor. For morals, consult the Bible. And remember, #JesusLovesYou