Big Bang, BIG FAIL- Confessions of a YEC part 14

The modern secular alternative to the Genesis account of Creation is the Big Bang. The Big bang is a very simple story with a very stupid name.
“The Big Bang?”  REALLY? We couldn’t find anything cool in Latin, or somebody’s last name? I mean, come on people! Eight MILLION TONS of PhD’s working on this thing around the clock for fifty years and the best we can come up with is a name reminiscent of a large yellow bird created to teach the alphabet to Preschoolers?

It’s a bird… and it’s BIG… But what do we CALL it?

We now take you back to the 1930’s where a meeting is called and attended by scientists and absolutely no one creative.
Scientist: Ok guys, we need a name for this tremendous explosion which brought into being all of time matter, space and energy. It’s a REALLY BIG explosion, Really BIG. Like… Super BIG. And I’m guessing it happened kinda fast like. First, there was nothing and then: BANG! Everything!

Other Scientist: How about we call it… The Big Bang?

Scientist: Brilliant! Send that out to the rest of the department and let’s break for lunch.

There needs to be a name for rolling ones eyes while sighing sarcastically in despair. And a COOL name! Left to this group it would be the Sarcasto-RollieSigh, which itself is still better than Big Bang.

I for one have adopted the far superior name provided by Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbs:

The Horrendous Space Kablooie!

The story is as follows: At first, there was nothing. No matter, no energy, no time, and no space. And then, it exploded.

KABLOOIE!!!

No one knows WHY nothing exploded, or how for that matter, but obviously it happened because, here we are! The explosion formed hydrogen and helium, which, when given enough time, will arrange itself into stars, planets, Beethoven, rootbeer, platypuses, the moon, roller-blades, and the Star Wars Trillogy/Sextillogy/Media Empire including (curse you laws of physics!) the Star Wars Christmas Special.

This was not always the accepted story of where the universe came from. Atheists and pagans used to believe that the universe was ALWAYS here, just milling about and never making any real, significant changes, like some eternal cosmic bachelor. Of course, Christians and Jews knew better, because God had told them that there was a beginning when everything was created. The “Modern Science” of the time (By which I mean atheists and pagans) would mock the silly Christians because they knew this OBVIOUSLY eternal universe was super, duper, really really old, and never began. If those foolish Christians knew ANYTHING about science, they would know there was no beginning, because science has proven that. The Bible says the heavens and the Earth came into being a finite time ago, and obviously this meant the Bible has been wrong all along.

Then, in the 1950’s, “Modern” science started to put a few puzzles pieces together from the previous couple of decades and they decided that the picture those pieces formed was one where in the universe is expanding, which means it used to be much closer together, and if you extrapolate endlessly in that direction, it used to be a single point which was infinitely dense, that somehow exploded and then formed everything. Of course, a lot of “Modern Science” (By which I mean atheists and pagans) really HATED this conclusion, because it obviously meant the heavens and the Earth came into being a finite time ago, which meant the Bible has been right all along.

Like with Evolution, the theory got a “Hello my name is: Science” label slapped on it, and most of our culture just shrugged and went, “Uh, ok.” A lot of the American church talked themselves into being Old Earth Creationists (OEC) because, now that “Science” had figured out how old the universe was, it was obvious that Genesis was “wrong,” by which we meant, “allegorical.”

By the 1980’s a lot of “Modern Science” (By which I mean atheists and pagans) were happy again because it seemed obvious that the Big Bang must have happened BILLIONS of years ago, and the Bible says God made the heavens and the earth 6,000 years ago, and obviously this meant the Bible has been wrong all along. Thanks to the Big Bang, the world was right again, and Christians could be mocked once more.

In future chapters we will look at the proposed science behind the Big Bang and see why, instead of earning your admiration and faith, The Big Bang really deserves to earn your gratuitous  Sarcasto-RollieSighs.

#JesusLovesYou

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