I wound up getting to Danny’s Bar, Grill and House of Rabbelrousing early last Thursday, and as I was waiting for my friends to join me for a giant plate of life-giving Nachos, I overheard the following conversation from two persons at the bar. Steve, I gathered from his speech and “Make America Great Again” hat, was a Conservative Trump supporter, and Stephen (Now going by Stephanie) is, as he said, a transsexual “woman”. Whatever that means. Lucky for me, Steve was wondering the same thing.

Steve: Help me out here. What does it mean when you say you are a “Transsexual woman”?

Stephen: While I may have been born biologically male, I am a woman.

Steve: So you actually ARE a man. Right?

Stephen: I self identify as a woman.

Steve: That isn’t what I asked. I didn’t ask how you self identify, I asked what you ARE.

Stephen: My feelings determine what I am.

Steve: Then you were born feeling like a male and later changed how you feel?

Stephan: Uh.. no. I’ve never felt like I was male. I’ve always FELT like a girl.

Steve: Then why did you say you were born biologically male?

Stephen: Because I was BORN with… boy parts.

Steve: Are you saying you really HAD boy parts or that you were born FEELING like you had boy parts, but later found out you were wrong?

Stephen: I… I am biologically MALE, but I self identify as a female. I am a woman.

Steve: So even though you have the body of a man and were born with boy parts, you have decided you are a woman.  Do I have that right?

Stephen: I think you do.

Steve: But if you were born male, and biologically continue to be male, then what sense does it make to say you are a woman?

Stephen: I told you, I self identify as a woman. I FEEL like a woman, regardless of my biological body, and I want people to respect how I feel.

Steve: So your whole claim is that you FEEL like a woman?

Stephen: Yes, essentially.

Steve: No disrespect meant, but I don’t buy that for a second.

Stephen: What?

Steve: I don’t believe you do feel like a woman. I think you are pretending to feel like a woman to get attention, or tick off your dad or something. But there is no way I am buying the idea that you FEEL like a woman.

Stephen: I’m telling you, when I look in the mirror, I see a woman!

Steve: Unless you’re naked.

Stephen: That’s not… no, I mean, when I think of myself, I think of a woman.

Steve: And when I think of myself, I think of Batman. Hardly seems like the government should be forcing you to call me the Dark Night.

Stephen: Look, my self identify is based on MY FEELINGS, and not my body or anything else. I feel like a woman.

Steve: No you don’t.

Stephen: Yes I do!

Steve: Prove it.

Stephen: Prove it?

Steve: Yes, prove to me that you FEEL like a woman. What tangible evidence can you possible give that you really feel like a women and that you are not lying to me?

Stephen: Tangible evidence? I do really feel like a woman!

Steve: And I feel like Batman.  And as the hero that Gotham needs, but not the one that it wants, I am just going to call you out as a liar. I say you DON’T really feel like a woman. Prove me wrong.

Stephen: How am I supposed to do that?

Steve: Well, clearly not with a DNA test or a physical exam. Those two tests say you’re male. What do you have that says you’re female?

Stephen: It’s the truth, I swear to God!

Steve: SWEAR TO ME!

Stephen: I see what you did there.

Steve: Thank you.

Stephen: Look, I dress like a woman, and I ask people to call me Stephanie.

Steve: You ever watch Monty Python?

Stephen: Maybe a few times a long time ago…

Steve: Those guys dressed up as women all of the time. They’d talk in female voices, sort of, and call each other by female names.

Stephen: Yes, but they were just actors. They didn’t REALLY mean for people to view them as women.

Steve: How do you know?

Stephen: They took their dresses off!

Steve: You shower with your clothes on?

Stephen: Look, my self identity is based on how I feel, and that’s the end of it. I FEEL like a woman.

Steve: How do you know?

Stephen: Are you saying I don’t know how I feel?

Steve: No, I’m saying that, as someone born male with boy parts, how would you possibly even know what it feels like to be something you’ve never been? You may dress and act like a woman- or at least the idea you have of how a woman acts and dresses- and maybe you think of yourself as being female, but you’ve never actually BEEN female. I’ve never been Batman. I can dress in the costume, or imagine myself in the cape and cowl every time I think of myself, but that doesn’t mean I can KNOW what it feels like to be an orphaned billionaire who fights insane criminals at night dressed as a flying mammal.

Stephen: Batman is not a real person!

Steve: And as far as I’m concerned, neither is a woman with boy parts. My point is, however you feel, you can’t possibly know you FEEL like a woman unless you know what a woman feel like. And how can you know that when you’ve never been one?

Stephen sat in silence for a minute and sipped his drink thoughtfully. Steve turned his attention to the tv over the bar. Around this time, my friends started coming in and we went to our usual table, but I’d be interested to know if Stephen ever thought of an answer to that.

#JesusLovesYou